“I just don’t know what we’d have done without St Christopher’s. I really don’t think we’d have coped at home.”
Adam Boome
It was in appreciation of this that, two years on, filmmaker Adam Boome accepted the invitation to play the piano at a recent St Christopher’s supporters’ event and share some of his memories of the time he, Kim and their two sons Lewi and Billy shared at St Christopher’s and wonders what might have happened without the hospice’s intervention.
“When we were at the hospice we were able to have proper time together.”
Kim, a fashion designer, had been diagnosed with bowel cancer four and a half years earlier and after a period when she, Adam, Louis and Billy thought she was going to ‘beat it’, as Adam says, she became progressively ill and started suffering intense pain.
“Even though Guy’s and Thomas’s were brilliant, we reached the point where we couldn’t cope. We were at our wits’ end. That’s when we were referred to St Christopher’s for pain management which was a concept we weren’t familiar with.
“On arrival, I immediately got the sense that these were people who understood the situation and it was a totally different experience to going into hospital. Once she was there, they just sorted her out. It was amazing that they were able to care for her in a way that settled the whole family down.”
By managing Kim’s pain and sharing difficult news, the team at St Christopher’s gave the family an opportunity to deal with the situation that faced them.
“One of the first things they told us when Kim was admitted was that she had six months or less to live. Knowing she was in safe hands at St Christopher’s meant I could go with the boys to tell both our parents face to face.
“Then, when we were at the hospice, we were able to have proper time together without having to be constantly reacting to another crisis situation.
“Things were back under control, and we could cope again. In the last six months she was admitted three times when we had got to the point when we couldn’t manage at home because it had just become overwhelming. The first two times, they’d send us home with a new solution.”
Adam remembers the nursing team working flat out to help Kim return home one final time, including offering to train him and his sons to operate an epidural.
“They were so committed and just gave me the feeling that this was a vocation and not a job.”
For the duration of Kim’s final three-week stay at St Christopher’s, her family were with her constantly.
“We were getting huge support from the staff and the three of us lived in her room and slept there every night.”
Because of his positive experience, Adam had no misgivings about going back to St Christopher’s earlier this year for the Ribbons event.
“Absolutely not, I like going back because it makes me feel close to Kim and it was an amazing time we spent. It was very profound.”
“We all grew as people, and she was able to make peace and I don’t know if she would have been able to do that if it hadn’t been for the atmosphere at St Christopher’s.
“End of life is an amazing time. We knew it was coming and she could have conversations with friends, family and our sons as well as go through old photos and tell them everything she wanted them to know about. She even designed her whole funeral. I would hate not to have experienced all that.”
“We all have to die, but to have a good death is such a gift and the ripple effect of a bad death is enormous. Apart from the pain, Kim had a good death.”
Following Kim’s death, Adam picked up playing the piano again after a 10-year hiatus. And when he performed a tune on the upright piano in the Anniversary Centre on his visit for Ribbons, he attracted the attention of the fundraising team who asked him to play at two events in CARE, an offer he couldn’t refuse.
“It was just four days before the second anniversary of Kim’s death, and it felt very poignant, so I was so happy to be there playing.”
“I’d stopped playing for a decade. It’s now become a bit of an obsession, and I struggle NOT to practise.
“St Christopher’s has definitely become our charity now. We auctioned her hospital bed and donated all her things to them, and I like to tell people that it’s a place where you can face death honestly, do what you need to do to get ready, all in comfortable, loving surroundings.”
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