These wise words belong to St Christopher’s volunteer Donna Whittaker-Gill who’s been visiting patients on the hospice’s inpatient unit for six months now.
Donna, who lives in Brixton, knows her weekly half-day visits to the St Christopher’s wards wouldn’t suit everyone.
After a long career working as a manager in some of London’s best known high-end shops like Harrods and Harvey Nichols, Donna says she felt a strong inner sense of wanting to support people at the end of life.
“It was about five or six years ago when I just felt I wanted to do something for people who were dying but wasn’t sure exactly what it would be. I knew I didn’t want to be a nurse but just kept envisioning comforting people who were dying. As a young woman I went through lots of experience of seeing people who were dying and seemed frustrated because they didn’t feel like they were being listened to.”
“Lots of people tell me they couldn’t do it, but I always say I think it’s a calling. I love to be with people and comfort them especially at this, the most important time in their life.”
After reading a book about soul midwifery and the holistic care of the dying and then completing a course, Donna was drawn to St Christopher’s who had cared for her mother before she died 20 years ago.
Initially, there were no vacancies at the inpatient unit and Donna helped at the Bereavement Hub and supported people as a bereavement buddy. It was in these roles that Donna first got the opportunity to make best use of her listening skills.
“It’s not just about hearing a voice, it’s the sound, the depth and the all the micro actions that go with it. That gives you a clear understanding of where a person is truly at. I love the reaction when someone really feels that you heard them and you’ve been able to give them some feedback.”
Now, Donna spends about three hours a week on the inpatient unit and enjoys her routine.
“I start by going into the office to greet everyone and ask who needs a visit. The nurses will tell me which patients would and wouldn’t like a visit.”
“I’ll knock on the door and always start by asking, ‘How are you today?’. They’ll tell me about their life, how they are feeling at that moment and might talk about their family or tell me some of their life story.”
Having been brought up as a Jehovah’s Witness and then lived as a Rastafarian for her early adulthood, Donna certainly has a spiritual side to her. She also has developed a pragmatism.
“I go in and give everything I have whenever I visit someone because it’s possible I will never see them again. It’s a joy if they are there again but can be very sad when you expect to see a person and they’re no longer there.
“Sometimes I am sad at the end of day if I’ve been with someone with no family and who maybe hasn’t accepted what’s happening to them. But then sometimes you meet someone wonderful who’s said their goodbyes, is prepared for what’s coming and I leave thinking about my own life.”
With four children and five grandchildren, all in London, as well as an allotment to tend, Donna is keenly aware of the circle of life and the importance of discussing it.
There’s barely a morning before volunteering when Donna doesn’t feel a spark and it’s the general atmosphere of the inpatient unit that draws her back every week.
“I think death should be a conversation they have with children in schools. I certainly talk to my children and grandchildren about it. I have told them what to do when I am ill and what I might go through.”
“I would say it’s relaxing, homely and inviting. Occasionally you hear laughter, and visitors always look like they are happy to be there. I have so much respect for the nurses working on the unit, they show such respect and warmth.
“I would definitely recommend people to volunteer there because St Christopher’s is such a wonderful place. It’s a part of the community, there are so many different roles for people and you will feel very supported.”
Want to know more about volunteering?
If you’d like find out more about volunteering with St Christopher’s, whether in one of our shops or in a variety of other roles, find out more here.
