“The most important moments for me are just the simple ones. Validating someone’s experience and watching someone feel seen for the first time.”
Gareth
What’s it like being Bereavement Support Volunteer for St Christopher’s? We spoke with Gareth, Dawn and Resha to hear their first-hand experiences of the role.
Why did you become a Bereavement Support Volunteer (BSV)?
Gareth: After working as a firefighter for over 20 years it felt really important to close that circle on a personal level. I’d very much seen that start of a traumatic journey of death
but how can I be part of helping the other side as well? That’s what drew me to bereavement specifically.
Dawn: I saw something on Facebook that said about training to be a counsellor, if you had the time, would you like to help someone else. I had taken over the Bromley Tinnitus group, although I have tinnitus myself, I felt I didn’t have too much to offer – so I decided to train as a counsellor.
Resha: I decided on a career change because I needed to find something that made me happy, that made me feel fulfilled, that had a bit of purpose. This reflects in counselling because that’s what you’re aiming for with people that you counsel – for them to find a purpose and fulfilment.
Is there a particular moment in your time as a BSV that stands out to you?
Gareth: The most important moments for me are just the simple ones. Validating someone’s experience and watching them feel seen for the first time. They are the magic moments. I had one client who started to understand themselves as being neurodiverse half way through our time together. I felt very lucky to have that relationship and for us to have each other.
Resha: With only 10 sessions you question if you’ve done enough to support that person, what’s going on with them now, what did they take away. When you get your first review it propels you forward – a feel-good moment of alright – I’m doing OK. Being able to dig deep with clients and enable them to explore things means that you’ve built some trust and connection in such a short space of time.
“I needed to find something that made me happy.”
Dawn: I had one client which was probably the hardest situation I’ve faced in the role. She lost her daughter to suicide. What I wanted to say to her – which I can’t – is I actually think about you all the time and your story. Stories like that I do walk around with. But I’m OK with it – because if I didn’t walk around with it – I wouldn’t want to do the job.
Is there anything you’ve been surprised by or learnt in the role?
Gareth: It’s quite often not just the bereavement – it’s usually what’s caused the cup to overflow. Counselling can be an introduction to them understanding themselves and the catalyst was their grief.
Dawn: You learn something with every single client. In one of the groups somebody did say – does this affect you – and I said yes – the day you don’t get affected by it you shouldn’t do it.
“The most important moments for me are just the simple ones.”
Resha: Before I started it was quite a taboo subject but St Christopher’s normalises death. I have clients that have experienced several deaths throughout their lives from an early age and yet this is the first time they’re actually talking about it.
“You learn something with every single client.”
When people come to St Christopher’s, we ask them, ‘What matters most to you?’ Can you answer that for us now?
Gareth: Being kind and giving people the opportunity to be authentic, that’s really important to me. My favourite little parting card I’ve had from someone was a really sweary card – it said – ‘I think you’re f******g awesome, keep that s**t up’. If I’m not me, they can’t be them. So that’s the key.
Dawn: My family – I love my family. I speak to them every day. I adore my kids and my husband. I love my volunteering role here, it’s a massive part of my life and I involve my family here too.
Resha: My kids, their wellbeing. The thing that matters most to me in the entire world is them two.
“St Christopher’s normalises death.”
If you’re interested in volunteering at St Christopher’s, whether in the bereavement service or in another role, visit our volunteering page here.
:: This story was from our Autumn/Winter issue of Connect magazine. To read the full magazine, or to sign up to receive future editions, please click here.
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