How Candle is helping seven-year-old Jaheem after his sister’s death

Sam proudly describes how Jaheem is often the one to mention his little sister.

A year after his first bereavement therapy session at St Christopher’s and 18 months since the sudden death of his baby sister, Jahniyah, Jaheem and his mother Sam credit his bereavement worker for his emotional wellbeing.

Mum and son, along with a wider family group, will be among many of the 450 young people who have benefitted from the Candle Bereavement Service in the last year, at a special remembering event on 30 November which also happens to be Jaheem’s eighth birthday.

From the little boy who at the first session said he didn’t want to talk about his sister, to the apparently confident seven-year-old at ease addressing the emotions of this most sensitive subject, is quite a transformation. Jaheem is clear that the programme of five 50-minute sessions, plus three additional check-in meeting with Karen Chapman made a huge difference.

“When I first knew I was coming to talk about Jahniyah, I felt a bit nervous because I felt Jahniyah dying was like a secret,” he recalls. “But it isn’t any more. I just love being with Karen. She is very good – a thousand out of 10! It feels like I should be here because it’s a nice place and it always helps me. I like being here because it has all the right things I need.”

Jaheem demonstrated his comfort speaking about Jahniyah, saying: “I loved my sister. She was always by my side, always followed me and always wanted to come where I was going. She was just so cute.”

Sam is hugely grateful to the friend who made the initial referral for Jaheem to St Christopher’s Candle service.

“Coming here was very refreshing,” she adds. “It was what we needed. I felt they were here for him and he knew it was his time to be vulnerable to be himself, to go off with Karen to have his session in private, in a safe space, knowing Mummy was just downstairs.

“I think what’s been amazing is Candle has been in our life through the process of losing his only sister and then the emotions of Mummy being pregnant again. It’s been an amazing support he’s had through the different parts of his journey.”

In fact, there was a third emotional event for Jaheem and Sam to deal with – the death of her father just a couple of months before Jahniyah died. Following the sessions with Karen, which include play, stories and art, Sam says Jaheem is the one to include Jahniyah in family conversations and to provide relatives with emotional support.

Jaheem says: “One of my cousins is in the same year as me and when she feels sad about Jahniyah I say ‘it’s ok, we’re strong. She is always with us.’”.

Sam proudly describes how Jaheem is often the one to mention his little sister.

“I think it’s really important they live on in our lives because you can’t just push those feelings and emotions to the side. You can’t pretend that little person didn’t wear those shoes that are still by the door.

“It’s a way for us to keep her alive in our hearts and Jaheem does that so well in our family. We’ll be doing something, and he’ll say, ‘Jahniyah would do such and such’.  He does such a good job keep of keeping her alive in our family. I love it. He looks after me and he’s a special boy who is able to share his experience.”

Now Sam and Jaheem are looking forward to the event for people who’ve benefitted from Candle – the first of its kind at St Christopher’s – where they’ll make remembering decorations to hang on the tree at the hospice and to take home.

“I remember thinking how good it would be for children to meet other children who’ve experienced something similar to connect and just know someone who’s been in that same boat.”

For more information on our Bereavement Services click here.