21 April 1988 might be more than 35 years ago but for Gill, it feels like yesterday. That was the day her sister died of breast cancer on St Christopher’s on Alex Ward aged just 42.

Gill, who is now a Healthcare Assistant at the hospice, gets a lump in her throat around the anniversary when she enters the room her sister died in.

She shared her story as part of our Sensitive Dates Calendar for staff – an initiative we set up for Dying Matters Week in May. At St Christopher’s, we often talk about the stigma attached to talking about death and bereavement. But sometimes we forget to do it internally.

So for Dying Matters Week this year we focused on supporting conversations around death and dying at work, particularly for our staff and volunteers. We developed workshops, activities and events to support conversations across the hospice.

This included collaborating on the calendar which allowed staff, like Gill, and volunteers to add stickers to days that held personal significance for them.

It may be an anniversary of a loved one’s death, or a particular day when they miss someone special. Watching the stickers accumulate throughout the week was a profound reminder of the challenges our colleagues might be facing each day.

Given so many individuals have personal dates of significance, it is important to remember
that everyone adjusts to work differently after experiencing the death of someone close and that not everyone may find it easy to open up about the impact of these deaths with those they work with.

Idris Arshad, our HR/People & Inclusion Partner, helped support the initiative.

He said: “This idea is a whole new way of allowing people to express the times that are important to them, the times when they may be feeling different from other times of the year.

“Sharing this allows others to be more supportive, more considerate, and more aware of how someone is doing with their well-being. It also helps people feel like they can talk about things that are sensitive to them and that they can bring their whole selves to work.”

:: This story was from our Autumn/Winter 2023 issue of Connect magazine. To read the full magazine, or to sign up to receive future editions, please click here.

Do you find it hard to talk about grief or loss, or your feelings about death? Or have you perhaps had a time when you didn’t ask someone who was grieving how they were and regretted it later? None of that is unusual. But at St Christopher’s Centre For Awareness and Response to End of Life (CARE), we’re trying to shift that.

Many of us didn’t learn about bereavement, grief and loss at school or get the opportunity to contemplate a loss, either for ourselves or with others. This can make it harder for us to understand what is happening to ourselves or someone experiencing a loss, its impacts and what might be expected during this time. Is grief finite? Am I going to feel this way forever?

And have you ever made an excuse about how you felt rather than tell someone the truth – I’m sad – because you didn’t want to make them sad too or risk being judged? Have you been unsettled by how lonely grief feels, especially if you feel like people are avoiding talking to you?

Equally, this can be a problem when we are considering how to support someone who is grieving. It can feel so difficult that sometimes it’s easier just to say nothing rather than risk ‘getting it wrong’.
Palliative Care doctor, Dr Kathryn Mannix asks us to stop “bracing ourselves to do something difficult” and normalise talking about death and dying. Only then, can we support each other through the full diversity of experiences of grief and loss.

That’s why at St Christopher’s CARE, we’re working to help members of the public and the local community to explore the concepts around loss and to understand more about them together. Our Community Learning programme offers ‘Loss and Legacy’ courses to members of the public which explore different aspects of bereavement, loss and grief, and how they might make us feel.

These Community Learning courses use peer learning principles: we all have knowledge, experience and wisdom to share. Between us all we can help each other understand more about death and loss, working with a facilitator who also has a personal experience of the area.

It’s reassuring to know others also struggle with so many aspects of loss and grief

Our aim is that in doing so, we create opportunities that are often missing from public settings:
the opportunity to reflect on and learn about something that is a key part of everyone’s life and human existence. And often this gives people the opportunity to come to terms with things and recognise that we have confidence and knowledge ourselves, which may also help us now and in the future.

Our Community Learning Facilitators work with volunteers to facilitate the courses. When people have the opportunity just to sit and listen to each other, and talk about loss, things change and it starts to feel far more normal for them. People often join with the idea they’ll listen to others and pick up new knowledge, but actually it stimulates them to start to share and help others too. And other attendees have shared that the method helps them accept the idea that loss is part of life.

One attendee said “It was helpful to discuss experiences and hear about the experiences of others. I have a better understanding of different experiences and ways of dealing with loss.” While another shared, “It’s reassuring to know others also struggle with so many aspects of loss and grief.’”

Last year, the UK’s Commission on Bereavement launched eight principles for change for how we as a society can more sensitively and confidently respond to grief and loss so that everybody has support if and when they want and need it. They state that bereavement is “everybody’s business”.

We agree. Working with our community and the knowledge they have to share with one another, we are helping people be more confident and comfortable when talking to each other about death, dying and loss. We are always seeking people from our communities who would like to share their experiences and help others learn. Do get in touch on j.emsden@stchristophers.org.uk to find out how to get involved.

:: This story was from our Autumn/Winter 2023 issue of Connect magazine. To read the full magazine, or to sign up to receive future editions, please click here.

Ever since St Christopher’s opened its first store back in the 1980s, our ever-expanding selection of outlets (we have over 20 now) have been at the forefront of the sustainability agenda – helping shoppers breathe new life into their unwanted items, while clothing them and furnishing their homes with quality pre-loved outfits and household objects. We really do like to see ourselves as champions for change and this September we’re looking to motivate as many people as possible to join us as we celebrate Second Hand September

At the end of a summer in which most of Europe (if not the UK!!) baked in abnormally high temperatures and suffered terrifying fires, none of us should need reminding of the urgent need to look at how we can all do our bit to protect the environment and do more for the planet.

Oxfam started the Second Hand September campaign in 2019, encouraging us all to do a one-month shopping detox – to buy no new items of clothing for the 30 days of September. When you think that the fashion industry produces 1.2 billion tonnes of carbon emissions every year (that’s ten percent of ALL global greenhouse gas emissions) and that 11 million items of clothing end up in landfill every week, you can see why now is the time to act!

According to Oxfam, if everyone in the UK took part in Second Hand September the country would save the same volume of emissions as flying a plane around the world 900 times. In 2022, more than 26,000 actively engage in the campaign – only buying second hand clothes for the whole month. That’s a lot, but we reckon there’s potential for South Londoners to make a massive difference.

Maybe think about it as like Dry January for shopaholics, but way more fun!

Half a million of you visited our stores in 2022, breathing new life into 1.2 million items, so we’re starting from a good place. 

When shopping app Vinted asked people last year how they felt about switching away from new, a third said many of their favourite outfits were pre-loved while one in five said they felt more confident wearing second hand. Knowing they were doing something good for the planet meant half felt less guilty shopping this way. So, not only does it do good, but it feels good too.

UK charity shops keep 339,000 tonnes of textiles out of landfill or incineration each year – that’s equivalent to the weight of 27,000 double decker buses – almost four times more than the total fleet driving around London. Everyone who shops in one of our stores is contributing to that. And, during September, you can engage your family and friends in this more conscious shopping behaviour too. The range and quality of clothes we have in our stores is incredible – they really will be pleasantly surprised.

It’s always easier to take a new path when the steps along the way are marked out – so here are four for you to follow to help you really own Second Hand September.

Re-connect – stop and think about how your clothing is made – all the resources that go into it and whether you need to buy new.

Re-wear – Once you’ve bought you’re pre-loved clothing – take pride in wearing those outfits again and again.

Re-purpose – for those wardrobe items that have really had their day, learn how to repurpose them and use the fabric to make something entirely new and if you’re not super smart with a needle and thread find your local textile bank or give it us to recycle. It’ll be sent off to be made into an entirely new item of clothing.

Re-place – Operate a one in, one out policy. So, every time you come shopping in one of our stores, come armed with an item you’re no longer going to wear but which you’d like to donate – the higher quality the better.

Work to these four principles during September and you’ll be kicking off the autumn in stylish, sustainable fashion.

If you’re a charity shop newbie – no problem. Staff and volunteers in all our stores will be delighted to welcome you and you won’t miss the Second Hand September window displays.

We’ll also be going big on social media. Do share photos of you in your favourite Second Hand outfits – there will be prizes, in the form of St Christopher’s retail vouchers, for the best.

Together, we can all be Champions for Change – starting this September.